Today fathers are encouraged, and often expected to be a full participant in their new child’s birth. Sometimes this expectation places a great deal of stress on a father who is already overwhelmed with the anticipation of the birth of his child.
When one or more partners are present, a doula can help support the whole family, and relieve the burden and fatigue of relying on a single support person. A doula does not attempt to replace the partner, but rather works with partners and caregivers to ensure the whole team’s efforts offer maximum benefit to mother and child. Many couples don’t know that midwives and doctor’s typically do not join women in labor until it is clear the baby will soon be born. Hospitals can be intimidating places, with bustling nurses, harried staff, and busy doctors who breeze in, spew a slew of numbers at you, and then disappear for hours. Your doula’s knowledge and experience can help you participate more comfortably in the birth. She can explain the numbers, and help you make sense of what is happening.
My experience in childbirth helps guide you in providing comfort measures for your spouse as she goes through the awesome process of giving birth.
Your emotional support and presence will comfort your spouse and help create wonderful memories of your birth experience.
TESTIMONIAL:
“I, admittedly, entered these proceedings as the embodiment of skepticism. Doula, I said to myself. Doooula. In my ignorance the word alone conjured up images of impersonal intervention, an obtrusive wedge between my pregnant wife and I, some inauthentic hippy vestige of commune life reducing the father to a functioning sperm donor while the women conduct the business of birth. After the events of this past week and the incredible birth of my first child, I can honestly and fully admit how miserably mistaken I was, and have graciously and humbly welcomed both my baby, and Dolphin Doula into our family with open arms.
With little protest from me apart from the “huff’ in my tone, we attended a “Meet The Doulas” evening at the Dolphin Doula studio in San Mateo. I was the only male on that particular evening (although that is not always the case) and the offerings of fresh fruits and teas and the subdued conversational tone and the pervasive estrogen in the air in part solidified my silent skepticism that this was at best an unnecessary extra and at worst artificial. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The hour we spent there went well. Well versed mothers returned to the Doulas, praising them for past performances and inviting them to be part of their current births. A second-timer vocally cleansed herself of the burden of not having opted for a Doula with previous pregnancies and cried out how horribly impersonal and forced, and cold and mechanical the experience had been with just the doctor in the “baby factory” hospital.
Our assigned group of Doulas made successive visits to our home over the months leading up to the event and made a deliberate and welcomed effort to learn my wife and I. I’m not much for guided relaxation techniques or hypnosis and the like, but I remained open to several ideas they exercised until the Doulas, myself and most importantly my wife were comfortable with their plan for ushering our baby into the world. They recommended literature and resources that we devoured and used to our advantage. They embraced my wife’s detailed Birth Plan which I teasingly titled My List of Demands developed an agenda of advocating on her behalf with the medical staff, concrete ways to insist on my wife’s specifics, and prepped us with their ideas for visually, auditorially and spiritually abating pain, and controlling breathing and anxiety.
Saturday morning the contractions began in earnest. I called the Doula immediately, in need of some personal reassurance. Susan was the consummate professional even while being aroused from pre-dawn slumber. One of the first things she said was “That’s completely normal”, while I gave her the details of what was happening, a play by play account of cramping, bleeding, laughing, crying and pacing, a theme she repeated over the course of the next 24 hours, and exactly what anyone needs to hear in my anxious state of excitement, confusion, ignorance and apprehension. She coached us by phone over the next few hours of “early labor” encouraging us to enjoy the comforts of our home as long as possible, as per my wife’s wishes all along. When Susan arrived at our home she was a vision of preparedness with her bag of tools, tricks and supplies, and an attitude of quiet confidence and experienced expectation.
I will spare you the details of our time at the hospital except to say that the card we were dealt at the table of labor was far from an ace, and such is life. We exceeded 24 hrs of grueling labor only made bearable by my wife’s inner strength and resolve and Susan’s presence and adherence to my wife’s wishes. She was the perfect liaison between ourselves and the medical staff, the perfect resource for fielding our constant questions, the perfect anchor for my wife to ground herself on in a sea of uncertainty with constant waves of pain washing over her. She asked the doctors the questions that were undoubtedly screaming in the heads of my wife and I, ushered us through breathing exercises and lengthy, soothing tub and shower treatments, all the while assuring us that each new turn and circumstance was “completely normal”. Susan effortlessly afforded my wife and I the privacy and intimacy we needed at times, and then soldierly returned to her post by my wife’s side, sometimes of her own accord, sometimes at the loud guttural prompting of my wife calling her name across the room. Susan orchestrated the proceedings beautifully, the hydration, the physical and spiritual nourishment, the coaching and encouragement, the massage and a calm collected voice for my wife’s ears to return to again and again throughout the internal screaming of the ordeal.
In the 25th hour, for physiological reasons and through no fault of Susan’s, it became necessary for a cesarean section. While this was a terrifying prospect and the last thing that anybody wanted, it was a prospect that everyone has to consider. Dolphin Doula’s maternal wisdom, academic preparation and infinite experience made even the most unexpected turns of events manageable and magical. (I want to add here that Susan far-exceeded her 8hr shift and stayed by our sides the greater part of 15hrs. The transition to the next “on-call” Doula on our team was both necessary and conducted seamlessly)
I’m writing this review, unprompted, from a genuine place of wonder and amazement and immeasurable gratitude to the women of Dolphin Doula. My beautiful wife and newborn baby are nursing by my side as I type. Every sunrise these days brings curious new experiences and unrivaled, joyous, growth and connection with ourselves and the world at large and I’d be errant to omit the importance of Susan and the Dolphin Doula staff for graciously and gracefully seeing us through to these days.
My thought for expectant mothers: I know you can do it without Dolphin Doula, I don’t know why you would. And to fathers: Trust the process. You’ll be glad you did.”
- Mike Heenan (Husband of Regina, Father of Jaelyn)
“I wanted to thank you and your team again. Melissa was absolutely fantastic and she truly made the birth of Abigail a pleasure for our family. Speaking from the mans perspective I was a little skeptical when my wife suggested we get a doula. As usual my wife knew better than me. I know deep in my heart that the 26+ hours of labor would not have gone as well without Melissa’s help. She kept my wife calm and focused through every contraction and it was obvious from the Abigail’s heart monitor.”
- Kevin
